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GET YOUR WAR ON
Oh yeah! Operation:
Enduring Our Freedom is in
the motherfucking house
Yes! Operation
Enduring Our Freedom To
Bomb The Living Fuck Out
Of You is in the house!!
How psyched is George
W. Bush fo defeat Saddam
Hussein for his dad?
Oh yeah
Operation:
Enduring Freedom
,is in the house
George H W Bush is
gonna be SO damn proud
of his son He'll probably
put Saddam's death certidi
cate on the fridge! I was a
C student
Just wait und twelve years from now,
when Jenna Bush fuckin defeats Osama
bin Laden for her dad! Wit the circle be
unbroken, by and by Lord, by and by?
wish I could do
something Ike that
for my dad
Is this truly the only
Earth I can live on?
Right! God, if only
that War On Drugs hadn't
been so effective! I could
really use some fucking
marijuana right now!
know Remember when
the U.S. had a drug problem
and then we declared a War
On Drugs, and now you
can't buy drugs anymore?
It'l be just like that
All I have to say
is, Once this is over.
the Iragi people better
be the freest fucking
people on the face of
the earth. They better
be freer than me. They
better be so fucking
free they can ly
And they better get
fed. They better get fotally
chubby. I want a furkin
five-mile-long butfet for
those kids-and I want that
buffet to be permanent.
Oh my God, this War
On Terrorism is gonna
rule! I can't wait until the
war is over and there's
no more terrorism
And I want a
multimillion dollar
reconstruction
contract for
Halliburton. God
that would realy
be so
just
Well, it turns the relief
effort into a fun game for
the Afghan people-a game
called See if you have any
fucking arms left to eat the
food we dropped after you
step on a landmine trying
to retrieve it!
The Coalition of the
Willing is about to rock!
Thanks, Uzbekistan
Thanks, Macedonia You
guys are the best!
Can you believe
Afghanistan signed
on? Do they really
have time fo help-
with this?
Right! Or maybe they
could play "See it, when you
step on the landmine, the
food package flies into your
fucking decapitated head as
it sails through the air
Oh, that's no big deal-
they're just allowing us the use
of some broken promises
You know what I love?
I love how we're dropping
food aid packages into a
country that's one big fucking
minefield That's good
Aren't you glad
the smoking gun
never came in the
form of a mushroom
cloud?
My friend in the State Department
told me. "If you see what looks lae a
mushroom cloud over Iraq don't
worry-it's not the smoking gun it's
just Ahmad Chalabi blowing more
smoke out of his ass
Holy fuck-anthrax in
Seriously! Who the fuck are
I never understood that line-was
Condoleezza Rice talking about a
smoking gun in the form of a mush
room cloud over iraq, or over us? The
idea of Saddam Hussein flying over
here and dropping a nuclear bomb on
us seems fuckin retarded
I know! What's next-
George W. Bush is gonna
hold a press conference and
tuckin' rip his face off and it's
gonna be Ming the Merciless
up under 1there? Jesus
New York City! We're gettingwe fighting, fucking Lex Luthor?
our fucking ass kicked!
When is the goddamn Death
Star gonna shoot that big-ass
laser at us?
So if you're not with us,
you're against us, huh?
I ke it So nice and simple!
When do we start bombing
Western Europe?
Well yeah Bul, dude, we re e
goddame United Stales of Amprical We have
a Rag on the moon yet s supoosed to be
impressed we'se doing a better job than
Saddam Hussen? You ste we cant set the
bar a ltle higher Hellhe way things are
going I wouldnt be surprised t rag was
better off being un by a fuckin ATM
machine and the cast of Friends
Can't we just build a fucking
bomb the size of the earth and cut a
hole out of the middle in the shape
of The United States? Drop the
motherfucker around us and take
care of business once and for all?
Oh man! Tell the
boys down at the
bomb-makin' factory
to brew up some
coffee-they re
gonna be working
some serious god-
damn overtime
Wait a minute
Totaly halt-assed
makes no sense
First we threaten
to deny Alghans
humanitarian aid, then
we torture Iragis
These people were
kind enough to let us
invade why treat em
in such a totaly halt
assed way
hall assed is st
much, much betler than
"totally Taiban'ed or
"totaly Saddam ed
Nether does
Donald Rumaleld
Secretary of Detense
Get over it
Ooh-d you do
that, will you look un
the entry for "lgnore?
I want to know if it still
has that picture of
Afghanistan
You know what I realized? All these
guys you see on TV, speaking about Iraq
and sovereignty and June 30th and what
not? None of them has any fucking idea
what they're talking abouf. I listened to
those blowhards for over a year and I didn't
learn A SINGLE GODDAMN CORRECT
THING They talk out of their asses so much
their cushions are probably deat, Id learn
more about the future of Irag if I read a
Golden Book Encyclopedia upside-down ins
the dark
Agreed! This is totally Loony Toons-I love
that the fate of the world hangs in the balance
Bush is talking about conquering evildoers yet
the CIA cant fucking transtate the evildoers"
Arabic voodoo-spells! The Office of Homeland
1Security" makes the DMV look like fucking Delta
Force And look, I understand why bin Laden
sounds craryhe's an eleven-foot tall mother-
fucker who lives in a cave! But why does Bush
sound like he's addressing a fucking Dungeons
& Dragons convention? At least I can tear my
hair out full-time now that I've been laid off
Mant I hke a good stiff Operation
Enduring Freedom as much as the next
guy, but I've reached my limits of under
standing! All of a sudden my fucking
mailman is a Hero on the Front Lines in the
War Against Terror? My daughter wants to
sell cookies to help the people my
nephew's been sent to fucking bomb? Im
supposed to help the FBI find clues and
solve crimes? MA CLAIMS ADJUSTER,
NOT FUCKING ENCYCLOPEDIA BROWN'
Who's in charge of this shit?
You know what thought
woke me up at three in the
morning last night?
Rumsteld, Feith, and Perle are
ually more incompetent
than they are evil How the
hell is that possible?
Alp
Jpr,

GET

YOUR

WAR

ON

Oh

yeah!

Operation:

Enduring

Our

Freedom

is

in

the

motherfucking

house

Yes!

Operation

To

Bomb

The

Living

Fuck

Out

Of

You

house!!

How

psyched

George

W.

Bush

fo

defeat

Saddam

Hussein

for

his

dad?

yeah

,is

H

W

gonna

be

SO

damn

proud

of

son

He'll

probably

put

Saddam's

death

certidi

cate

on

fridge!

I

was

a

C

student

Just

wait

und

twelve

years

from

now,

when

Jenna

fuckin

defeats

Osama

bin

Laden

her

dad!

Wit

circle

unbroken,

by

and

Lord,

by?

wish

could

do

something

Ike

that

my

dad

Is

this

truly

only

Earth

can

live

on?

Right!

God,

if

War

On

Drugs

hadn't

been

so

effective!

really

use

some

fucking

marijuana

right

now!

know

Remember

U.S.

had

drug

problem

then

we

declared

Drugs,

now

you

can't

buy

drugs

anymore?

It'l

just

like

All

have

to

say

is,

Once

over.

Iragi

people

better

freest

face

earth.

They

freer

than

me.

free

they

ly

And

get

fed.

fotally

chubby.

want

furkin

five-mile-long

butfet

those

kids-and

buffet

permanent.

Terrorism

rule!

until

war

over

there's

no

more

terrorism

multimillion

dollar

reconstruction

contract

Halliburton.

God

would

realy

Well,

it

turns

relief

effort

into

fun

game

Afghan

people-a

called

See

any

arms

left

eat

food

dropped

after

step

landmine

trying

retrieve

it!

Coalition

Willing

about

rock!

Thanks,

Uzbekistan

Macedonia

guys

are

best!

Can

believe

Afghanistan

signed

Do

time

help-

with

this?

Or

maybe

play

"See

it,

landmine,

package

flies

your

decapitated

head

as

sails

through

air

Oh,

that's

big

deal-

they're

allowing

us

broken

promises

what

love?

love

how

we're

dropping

aid

packages

country

one

minefield

That's

good

Aren't

glad

smoking

gun

never

came

form

mushroom

cloud?

My

friend

State

Department

told

"If

see

looks

lae

cloud

Iraq

don't

worry-it's

not

it's

Ahmad

Chalabi

blowing

smoke

out

ass

Holy

fuck-anthrax

Seriously!

Who

fuck

understood

line-was

Condoleezza

Rice

talking

mush

room

iraq,

or

us?

idea

flying

here

nuclear

bomb

seems

retarded

know!

What's

next-

hold

press

conference

tuckin'

rip

off

Ming

Merciless

up

under

1there?

Jesus

New

York

City!

We're

gettingwe

fighting,

Lex

Luthor?

our

kicked!

When

goddamn

Death

Star

shoot

big-ass

laser

at

So

you're

us,

against

huh?

ke

nice

simple!

start

bombing

Western

Europe?

Well

Bul,

dude,

re

e

goddame

United

Stales

Amprical

We

Rag

moon

yet

s

supoosed

impressed

we'se

doing

job

Hussen?

ste

cant

set

bar

ltle

higher

Hellhe

way

things

going

wouldnt

surprised

t

rag

being

un

ATM

machine

cast

Friends

Can't

build

size

earth

cut

hole

middle

shape

States?

Drop

motherfucker

around

take

care

business

once

all?

man!

Tell

boys

down

bomb-makin'

factory

brew

coffee-they

working

serious

god-

overtime

Wait

minute

Totaly

halt-assed

makes

sense

First

threaten

deny

Alghans

humanitarian

aid,

torture

Iragis

These

were

kind

enough

let

invade

why

treat

em

such

totaly

halt

assed

hall

st

much,

much

betler

"totally

Taiban'ed

"totaly

ed

Nether

does

Donald

Rumaleld

Secretary

Detense

Get

Ooh-d

that,

will

look

entry

"lgnore?

still

has

picture

realized?

these

TV,

speaking

sovereignty

June

30th

not?

None

them

abouf.

listened

blowhards

year

didn't

learn

A

SINGLE

GODDAMN

CORRECT

THING

talk

their

asses

cushions

deat,

Id

future

Irag

read

Golden

Book

Encyclopedia

upside-down

ins

dark

Agreed!

This

totally

Loony

Toons-I

fate

world

hangs

balance

conquering

evildoers

CIA

transtate

evildoers"

Arabic

voodoo-spells!

Office

Homeland

1Security"

DMV

Delta

Force

look,

understand

sounds

craryhe's

an

eleven-foot

tall

mother-

fucker

who

lives

cave!

But

sound

he's

addressing

Dungeons

&

Dragons

convention?

At

least

tear